Cultural Stigma Can’t Get In The Way of Therapy, When There’s A Willingness to Change

Posted by: Farah Lodi on October 30, 2014 3:47 pm
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In my counselling practice I see a lot of clients from cultures where there’s still a stigma linked to seeking mental and emotional health care. Interestingly, once these clients walk through my door, they leave their stigmas behind. They come willingly and motivated to change, accept the benefits of psychotherapy, are open and genuine in the session, and even acknowledge feeling better. But when they step out of my office, their cultural bias is back in place, denying the appreciation or even relevance of counselling therapy. The weekly visits to my office are part of a secret behavior, a secret still linked to shame and fear of society’s judgment. As far as the world is concerned, those hours in my office never happened.

When these clients step out of my office sometimes I see them veer towards the side exit, quickening their pace and looking down, avoiding any chance of bumping into anyone they know. Occasionally I take part in social justice work, and have perhaps crossed the strictly defined counsellor /client boundary by asking for support on social welfare or philanthropy projects. The culturally stigmatized clients respond in a curtly unhelpful fashion, not wanting to acknowledge any relationship with me outside of the session – even though they are back to their normal friendly selves in our next meeting. They may even decline claiming from insurance, to keep their secret safe. The bottom line however, is that they still keep coming back each week for a therapy that must be helping them, but they won’t admit it to the outside world.

On the other hand, I have clients who are referring their friends, family and co-workers to me, and even sometimes bringing a friend into the session as an intervention to elicit moral support. These clients have nothing to hide. How nice! But honestly, I see equal rates of therapeutic success in both culturally stigmatized and non-stigmatized clients. Yes, really! When there is a willingness and readiness to change together with a good therapist/ client alliance, stigma or not, therapy works.




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

A Life Lived Without Forgiveness

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on October 28, 2014 1:52 pm
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“A life lived without forgiveness is a prison.” ~ William Arthur Ward

forgiveA life lived without forgiveness is a life lived in the past. Living in the past is a conscious or an unconscious choice made through a connection to the past. In simple, the past is a time gone by and no longer exists in the present moment, but we choose to allow this past to occupy our minds, our bodies and our very existence. Living in the past is like choosing to cling to a chronic illness. Would you choose to be plagued with a chronic illness? Would you allow yourself to be
injected with a disease that could take your life? Why then, are you allowing yourself to be injected daily with the memories associated with the past? Why have you chosen to cling to the negative memories associated with your life? Have you found comfort with the negative memories, or do you feel incapable of letting go of the past?
Letting go of the past is through purposeful action. The action is the process with which we choose to rid the very essence of our person of the past. The past may be comprised of tragic events, thoughts, or circumstances. Whatever the case, the past is haunting you and it is denying you the freedom of moving forward in this life.
As a clinician and a person, I have been witness to countless individuals who have chosen to cling to the past. Clinging to the past is a purposeful action of recalling, remembering and harboring negative thoughts, deeds or actions. When we harbor the memories associated with the past, we are protecting the negative memories, rather than allowing them to exist no more. Moving beyond the past requires a combination of actions: letting go, forgiveness, and moving forward.

FORGIVENESS IS A STATE OF BEING

Forgiveness is not only a state of mind, but it is a state of being. It is woven through the very essence of our being. Forgiveness is a constant attitude occurring through a purposeful action. As humans, we are instinctively designed to forgive. It is only when we choose not to forgive that our minds, bodies, and spirits begin to experience disrepair. Those who choose not to forgive; choose to harbor the wrongs of others and of their own person, frequently have physical and psychological signs. Forgiveness cleanses the body, ridding it of the decay of negativity, disappointment, and heartache. It is through the act of forgiveness, that we can live a balanced and well-adjusted life. Forgiveness is the key to living life productively. Being productive enables us to be effective in this life, by producing the desires and intended results with which we may choose to acquire.

FORGIVENESS OF OTHERS

Forgiving others, especially our enemies, is a challenge indeed. What if, you had committed a wrong against another? Would you not have a deep desire to be forgiven? Have you ever experienced the denial of your repentance? What sort of effect did this have on your person? Were you shattered by the unwavering and unyielding of the person or persons you had wronged?
As a clinician, I have met a variety of patients / clients who’s hearts ache to be forgiven. As an individual, I too have had the experience of others denying the acceptance of my repentance. The denial of our repentance can have a penetrating effect, plunging like a dagger deep into the very core of our being. For so many, forgiveness and the lack of forgiveness, can prove a major stumbling block.
If we deny accepting the repentance of another, then we are intentionally and purposefully hanging on to the wrongs of the past. The wrongs of the past serve as a coat-of-arms. We identify our coat-of-arms as a shield of honor, but the reality is, our coat-of-arms is shielding the very nature of our person from allowing others to enter. It is serving as a warning sign, informing others to tread lightly because I will remove them from my life, if they wrong me.
For people who long for the acceptance of their repentance, they will continue to be haunted by their past wrongs as long as they choose to hang onto them.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Culture or Common Sense?

Posted by: Farah Lodi on October 9, 2014 11:24 am
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How do you help people with dysfunctional attitudes and behaviors, if they are driven by deeply entrenched cultural beliefs? A father brought his depressed 17 year old son for counseling, to “make him study for his final exams”. The son had experienced a series of peer related problems, displayed oppositional behavior, and even attempted suicide. His diagnosis included clinical depression. The parents were in denial about the seriousness of his condition, and attributed his behavior to attention-seeking. Their complete focus was on the need for him to study – so he gets into a good college – so they can be proud of him – so they can enjoy the social status of having a son in college. They were blinded by this cultural expectation.

When I suggested a gap year, or delaying exams so that intensive therapy could happen, they stopped bringing him to see me – until the next incident of suicidal ideation. The cycle repeated itself: they thought he was seeking attention and wanted me to focus the sessions on persuading the boy to study. I was up against a brick wall. When I pointed out what I saw as the problem (a complicated mix of social issues and cultural identity confusion), they turned a deaf ear.

The pursuit of education is a good and noble value. Culture enriches, enhances, and brings a kaleidoscope of color to life most of the time. But when we start interpreting things through a black or white cultural lens only, our senses become blind and deaf to reason. Sound mental and emotional health depend upon keeping that balance between our culture and our common sense.




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

The Loss of a Child

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on October 7, 2014 12:55 pm
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“To lose a child is to lose a piece of yourself.”  ~ Dr. Burton Grebin

child lossThere is no greater grief, than when a parent losses a child. As a person, I had never truly experienced such a gut-wrenching heartache, until the day that my wife and I lost a child. As a therapist, some may think that I am trained to have “all the known answers,” but the truth is, there are no answers, quick fixes, or remedies to mend the heartbreak around the loss of a child.

The loss of a child is an inconceivable and it is an unimaginable experience. While my wife and I never had an opportunity to get to know our child by physical touch, perception, or smell; we had already bonded with our developing child.

MY DAUGHTER’S HEARTACHE

The day that we were told that our child had passed on, was the most egregious experience of my life. On this very day, not only had I lost my child, but my precious and tendered hearted Delilah experienced the loss of a sibling. At the time, my daughter was a mere 5 years of age, but her cry and her mournful spirit penetrated the very nature of my being. At that moment, I recognized not only the impact that this loss had on myself, my loving wife, but the dire impact that it had on my precious daughter. For me, the loss was like an ocean of emotions consuming my person, but it was further deepened by witnessing the breach of my daughter’s innocence. Furthermore, it was the tenderness of my daughter’s cry that pierced my heart and my soul. It was like I had experienced yet a second loss, a loss of my precious daughter’s innocence and my inability to protect her from harm that broke my spirit.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

New Conversations about Suicide

Posted by: Dawn Schell on September 30, 2014 3:41 pm
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September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day and this year the World Health Organization (WHO) issued its first report on global suicide prevention.[1] The WHO calls suicide prevention a global imperative. The stats certainly bear that out.   We need to be doing something different.

This past year has seen some significant changes in the North American suicide prevention field.   What has changed?

In January 2014 the American Association of Suicidology (AAS) launched a new blog titled – What Happens Now? Life After Suicidal Thinking…What’s Your Story?”[2]

It makes for powerful reading.

The reason the AAS has done this? “Few voices of attempt survivors have emerged in the national conversation about suicide, and few resources exist online. We’d like to change that.”[3]

After all, having attempted suicide is not something people commonly talk about. The sense of shame and stigma is strong. “While some progress is currently being made to address the issue of stigma, suicide attempt survivors remain a stigmatised and neglected group”[4]

And yet – who better to tell us how we can best make a difference in suicide prevention?

There are many suicide attempt survivors who are “out to change the landscape of suicide prevention”[5]. They want their voices to be heard at the table when it comes to discussing how best to prevent suicide.

One such person is Craig A. Miller, author of “This is How it Feels a memoir of attempting suicide and finding life”.   The video clips and interviews on his website are compelling and deeply thought provoking.   In one of his blog posts he talks about the world of difference between the phrases not wanting to die and wanting to live.   Words matter.

http://www.thisishowitfeels.com

Another powerful advocate is Kevin Hines. You may have heard his story of surviving a jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.   His book, “Cracked Not Broken” and clips of his talks about suicide prevention can be found here.

http://www.kevinhinesstory.com

For the past four years Dese’Rae L Stage has been working on an amazing ongoing portrait and oral history series on suicide attempt survivors. According to the website, “Live Through This inspires compassion and underscores the fact that suicide affects us all—no one is immune. It encourages the viewer to look into the eyes of the subject, to fill their shoes and meet them in their humanity.”

http://livethroughthis.org

There is so much we can learn from those who have survived.   If we are willing to listen.

 

Dawn M. Schell, MA, CCC, CCDP is an affiliate of Worldwide Therapy Online Inc. http://www.therapyonline.ca

 

 

[1] http://www.who.int/mental_health/suicide-prevention/world_report_2014/en/

[2] http://attemptsurvivors.com

[3] http://www.suicidology.org/suicide-survivors/suicide-attempt-survivors

[4] http://suicidepreventionaust.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/SPA-SuicideAttemptSurvivors-PositionStatement.pdf

[5] Craig A. Miller about a documentary on his website




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Spare the Rod

Posted by: Asa Don Brown on September 26, 2014 8:24 am
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“Power is of two kinds. One is obtained by the fear of punishment and the other by acts of love. Power based on love is a thousand times more effective and permanent then the one derived from fear of punishment.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

spare the rodThe argument for corporal punishment has been the longstanding acceptance by those who have endured this form of punishment. The debate for corporal punishment has varied from religious instructions to parental rights. Corporal punishment has not only been excused by religious texts, familial familiarity, and governmental avoidance of change; it has been made allowable because of its longstanding relationship with society. “My father did not spare the rod, therefore I won’t spare the rod either.”

Parents, teachers and school administrators have frequently argued that there are no, or limited, alternatives. For a number of parents, religious leaders, teachers, and school administrators the argument is corporal punishment will realign and adjust a child’s behavior.

THE ARGUMENT FOR CORPORAL PUNISHMENT

The Canadian Parliament has ruled in Section 43 of the Criminal Code that:

Section 43 of the Criminal Code reads as follows:

            Every schoolteacher, parent or person standing in the place of a parent is justified in  using force by way of correction toward a pupil or child, as the case may be, who is  under his care, if the force does not exceed what is reasonable under the circumstance.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

You Don’t Just Marry a Person, You Marry their Family AND their Culture

Posted by: Farah Lodi on September 24, 2014 3:18 pm
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When a couple from two different cultures comes together in marriage, they need to form their own agreed – upon new culture based upon blending, adapting, acceptance and compromise. We know the chance of a happy marriage is based on good communication, genuine friendship, flexibility and commitment. We also know that the main challenge for multicultural couples is an inability to resolve cultural differences.

Not only does the young couple need to adjust culturally, but so do each set of parents! Parents of newly wed-couples are typically in Erickson’s middle-adulthood life stage, characterized by the psychosocial crisis of generativity versus stagnation. Key to their happiness is being a valuable part of their families and communities and achieving a sense of fulfillment as they watch their kids grow up. In their forties and fifties, parents are finally confident and secure in their sense of self. But can they be a bit too secure? Are these parents ready to accept that married adult kids will let go of a part of their cultural identity – an identity that took twenty odd years to instill?

According to Erickson parents are preoccupied with the task of guiding the future generation. But when “guiding them” clashes with accepting their decisions and choices, it can lead to a dilemma. What if one party in an intercultural union believes in autonomy and independence for a new couple, while the other side believes in a joint family system? What if there are differences in celebrating holidays? How will grandchildren be molded? Are the newly weds going to be pulled in different directions by their culturally bound parents? Parents may feel rejection, abandonment and insecurity if their ways are not followed, and the existential question “does my life count” suddenly leads to inadequacy. The normal task of relinquishing a central role in the lives of grown children is now complicated by the loss of cultural values that married kids may choose.

Rigid cultural expectations are an obstacle for multicultural marriages. Parents of married kids need to take it easy and let go, even if it means watching their kids bend old rules, change set patterns and discard family traditions. With flexibility and acceptance of cultural differences parents will move onto the next life phase with feelings of integrity, not despair. And they will also give their multiculturally marrying kids a much better chance of a happy, well adjusted marriage.




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Asynchronous or Real-time?

Posted by: Dawn Schell on September 19, 2014 8:00 am
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The world of online counselling is an interesting place to work. Because sometimes you are engaging with a client in real-time and other times you are not….and yet, you are.

Sound vague? Let me explain a bit more.

Asynchronous Text-based – This is a lot like email. Your client writes you a message describing their issues/concerns. You write a message to your client and send it to them. Later they write a reply and send it back to you. And so on.

This is the method I use most often in my online work.   I like the ability to take time to really think through what I want to say. I get to craft my words and seek out resources to share with my client without worrying that someone is waiting for a response from me.   I can read ahead and get an overview of what the client is thinking/feeling and that helps me shape my sessions.

Clients also tell me they find this a valuable way to do counselling because they can the time they need and also they can read and re-read our conversations.

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*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Diversity and Creativity

Posted by: Priya Senroy on September 15, 2014 3:49 pm
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It’s back to school time and also a time for refresher trainings and courses. In one of the palces that I work, we had a refresher on diversity and creativity.There has beena big turover in stfaffing broing with it not only perople from a variety of backgrounds and experiences but a variety of thinking styles. It is crucial for any orginisation to have some kind of common vision and be able to work creatively within a diverse framework.

One of the group exercises was to mix up the counsellors from different departments and then strategically group them according to their diversity. The rationale behind this is that an intellectually diverse group operates more creatively and is more likely to generate innovative solutions as when all members are alike, they often reach agreement quickly — and although that may seem to be an asset, it is more often a liability. Only later might they realize that they lost a chance to see things differently and to create something truly groundbreaking, by tapping the experience of outside experts.

Therefore, even though there is unity in diversirty, often it might be benefitial to have opposites work together just to get creative results.Unusual connections produce-exciting results; Steve Jobs said that innovation occurs at the intersection of technology and the arts.

By: Priya Senroy




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Creative Strategy

Posted by: Bhavna Verma on September 15, 2014 3:46 pm
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Recently, I have begun to notice how important it is to network and meet professionals within the field who are practicing in different areas. My expertise- rather, the area that I feel most comfortable working in is individuals experiencing anxiety. Recently, I got a case where the individual was going through multiple mental health concerns; emotional, anxiety, eating disorders, potential bariatric surgery, interrelationships, mood swings and all the internalizing that comes with this gamut. It was notably overwhelming for the patient and very quickly became overwhelming for me. Normally, I prefer to break the concerns down, focus on one area and as the patient begins learning new strategies to cope and manage, this will allow for a transfer of skills to the other areas that require attention. My hope was that as one area was worked on, it would also alleviate some concerns in other areas. However, with this particular case, I quickly realized that I would need to refer this patient to another professional to target areas of concern that were out of my competence. The patient expressed having great difficulty with change, and did not want to entertain the thought of meeting another professional. I felt that referring her out could do more harm than good. The patient, however, refused all ideas of being referred to another professional, even after explaining the purpose behind it. I knew I had to do something so that this patient could get the best care. I discussed with the patient, her doctor and my executive director. Everyone agreed that it would be best to bring in the professional onsite instead. This was not only outside the box thinking, but a first for our clinic. Essentially, we’re still following typical protocol of referring a patient to a professional, but we’re meeting the needs of the patient and where she is at right now. She was vocal in saying she will not be able to go to the other professional. In order to meet all the criteria, I discussed with the referring professional, and he agreed to come to the clinic and work with the patient. What does this mean? This means that the patient will be able to get her services in a place that she has deemed safe for her. It means that I will be able to focus my energy on her anxiety and areas that I am competent in working with. By spreading the blanket of services I am also alleviating stress which in turn means better self-care. It allows for an alliance to be built between two organizations as well. The most important factor that I feel this idea allows for is the intention behind it; well- being of a patient. This was only able to happen because professionals of different disciplines were able to come together and agree that a new approach would be needed in order to support this patient. At the end of it all, isn’t that the sole point of such services?




*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA
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