Although different cultures react to grief and loss differently, humans express sadness in a universally similar way – through tears. Tears are known to contain stress hormones, so crying is a healthy and natural release of stress caused by grief.
The Kubler – Ross Cycle was originally formulated to describe the phases one goes through when faced with the prospect of death: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Now, many psychologists use these stages to help explain how we cope with any type of grief and loss, not just death.
When working with people who identify strongly and consistently with a belief in God, I’ve found that my clients who experience loss find it a lot easier to accept the loss. Most of them still experience depression, but skip the stages of denial, anger and bargaining. Acceptance of destiny, belief in a “bigger picture”, and this life as a temporary journey towards a more meaningful after-life are the beliefs that help them cope with grief, loss and death. For spiritual people, death is not final, though it can still be devastating. The deep sadness and yearning for what has been lost is still there, but again, those whose spiritual faith is strong and consistent find it easier to accept. I am sometimes amazed at the way some of my grieving clients can express feelings of gratitude, even in the midst of sadness. Gratitude to the Higher Power who knows best. Another group of clients identify as spiritual, but their faith is not always consistently solid – more people fall into this category. They may go through denial, bargaining and anger. Acceptance, that deep inner state of patience, is harder to reach, but eventually they do reach it. For some, achieving acceptance is part of their spiritual journey.
How last rites are performed varies from culture to culture as well. For some, a wake is an opportunity to celebrate the life of a loved one. It’s a time for remembering good memories and being thankful for them. Clients who pay their last respects in this positive manner feel less traumatized. For others, funerals are a time of loud crying and lamenting. This type of “goodbye” is distressing and makes the process of recovery from grief longer and harder, especially for children.
Regardless of cultural background and belief systems, it’s important to accept loss. Unresolved grief can manifest as emotional instability, affecting a person physically, socially and across all areas of life. Acceptance of loss, especially when combined with gratitude, manifests in an amazing capacity for resiliency.

How do you know if you are prejudice against a certain cultural group? Most people are not overtly racist against cultural groups because of the fear that they will be perceived as a racist. However, the deep internalized feelings towards particular cultural groups may translate into unconscious racist attitudes, which could lead to a pattern of discrimination over time. Unconscious racism is attributed to implicit negative feelings or beliefs, which are formed by biases and are non-verbally expressed. Negative biases regarding race may occur without full awareness and commonly function as an automatic thought. In comparison, racial prejudice is a conscious and deliberate racial attitude that is verbally expressed. It is important to acknowledge our unconscious biases regarding race because it can govern our thoughts and behaviors.

In light of the recent events in the United States, and the many opinions around whether racism exists and what constitutes as racism, we are presented with an opportunity to reflect on our own internal dialogue around race and equality.

Society has come a long way, from being explicit and out right prejudice against cultural groups to being subtle and discrete about racial prejudices. These categorizations have resulted in the division of people and are supported by cultural discourse. Socialization has taught people to not explicitly voice negative feelings about cultural groups. Instead, most people store these associations and attitudes in their long-term memory; these thoughts become unconsciously based, and are then acted out through nonverbal behaviors. Most people have negative biases, which are deeply held unconsciously and thus may surface automatically and without full awareness. People categorized others to be bad or good based on what they look like. For instance, we are taught that white is good, and the fairer one is, the more acceptance he/she will receive in society. The maintenance of this division of thought is supported by collective views. Each culture has its own cultural norms and in turn, their own cultural biases, described as cultural discourses. As a result, people belong to a multitude of cultural discourses. Literature has stated that people tend to internalize cultural discourses, and therefore automatically form biases about others. It is imperative to understand your own biases regarding race. I encourage you to be honest with yourself to uncover your own unconscious biases by being aware of your internal self-talk and your body language. By taking personal responsibility, together we can work to build a stronger social fabric by promoting laws and social discourse that are fair and equitable across cultural groups.

Written By: Dr. Reena Sandhu

There are some amazing similarities between some modern psychotherapeutic interventions, and coping strategies taught through religious philosophies. For example, Rogerian- style empathic listening reminds me of the Golden Rule: do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. We all want to be understood and accepted non-judgmentally, right? A CBT counseling intervention for low self -worth is practicing positive affirmations at the beginning of each day, such as “I love and respect myself”. This reminds me of the Quranic blessing that is said at the beginning of important actions “I begin in the name of God, the most merciful and kind”. In order to feel whole we must be kind and compassionate to ourselves, which reflects the attributes of God as ultimately the most merciful and kind. Loving kindness meditation, used to dissolve anger and hostility, is akin to the Biblical injunction “Love thy Neighbor”. By deliberately sending out feelings of love to those we are angry at, we are “turning the other cheek”, another Christian way. Mindfulness keeps us focused with deliberate concentration, as does the act of prayer.

When I explain the rationale of Cognitive Behavior Therapy to Christian, Muslim and Jewish clients, they often say it resonates with them because it reminds them of their spiritual teachings. Identify a negative thought, challenge and dispute it, and come up with alternative balanced ways of thinking. This is the same process of reasoning that people of faith go through when practicing acceptance of what God has destined for them. Socratically questioning difficult thoughts results in helping to manage frustration. In others words this is the practice of patience, which is a virtue repeatedly mentioned in Divine scriptures. Journaling about what’s good about you, your world and your future is an expression of gratitude – another commendable virtue emphasized in the Holy books. Behavioral activation, or forcing oneself to act in certain positive ways, is similar to adhering to the routine of structured prayers and fasting – both serving a similar purpose of staying active and engaged in something purposeful and meaningful.

Freud would probably disagree with me, but I see God in psychology and psychology in religion. For my clients who appreciate this, therapy is deeper, longer lasting, and life-enhancing.