Echo Bullying

Posted by: Jonathan Delisle on August 19, 2015 10:17 am

Echo bullying is a term I’ve developed based on both personal and clinical experiences. It is a phenomenon that occurs long after the bullying ends. It is an internal self-depreciation that continually underlies the former victim’s self-perception. The depreciating internal dialogue perpetuates the past bullying (usually sub-consciously). This internal dialogue is the echo of the bully’s message to his former victim.

Bullies direct hurtful comments or behaviours at you, and then you walk away and think nothing more of it or you may even try to repress or distort the memory of it while trying to convince yourself that you don’t care. Continue reading →

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Nature’s Invitations

Posted by: Angela Herzog on August 18, 2015 2:43 pm

Nature speaks truth into our lives on a daily basis.

So often, I lose sight of this simple truth, as my attention begins to zero in on tasks, appointments and concerns.

I was blessed to have a couple of weeks of summer holidays immersed in nature. Through this, my gaze began to widen again and I was able to receive some of nature’s invitations.

Have I ever looked at trees and been amazed at how they are not falling despite their height?

The tree invites me to nurture my roots.

Have I noticed how leaves respond gracefully and receptively to the wind?

What external forces am I fighting against?

Have I enjoyed watching the freedom flight of a butterfly with a knowing of its journey to flight?

How can I trust the process within seasons of constriction that feel like a cocoon? Continue reading →

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

A Breath of Fresh Air

Posted by: Bhavna Verma on August 11, 2015 9:17 am

A couple of weeks ago I went on vacation with my fiancé and his mom. We travelled to Alberta where we spent 5 days with my fiancé’s brother. The five days were exhausting, packed with multiple events throughout the days and went by so quickly, that I did not even realize it was time to come back home. The week before leaving for vacation, I got a call from a company that needed to bring in counsellors as a tragedy occurred on site. For 3 days, over a span of 18-20 hours, I spoke with employees about what they heard, saw and how they were impacted after the tragedy occurred. Some were directly involved with the incident, while others saw the aftermath or stayed away from the accident site altogether and just heard about the events that transpired. Emotional fatigue and secondary trauma kicked in. I had never worked with so many people in such a short period of time. I am still considered a rookie in the counselling world and burnout is high in this population. I remember coming home, and my mother in law began sharing stories of freak accidents that she remembers seeing or hearing about as a child, and I had to ask her to stop. She couldn’t understand why. I explained to her that I was mentally drained and after hearing so many stories about the freak accident that took place in this company, I had ‘checked out’ mentally and just needed some quiet time. This was one of the first burnout symptoms I recognized. The vacation to Alberta- although planned before getting the phone call from this company was perfectly timed! Just removing myself from the place altogether (in this case provinces) was a great way to completely disconnect myself from the trauma that occurred in the company. The trip kept me so busy and focused on what was happening in that moment that I did not have the time nor the energy to think about the prior week’s sessions. Not only was the temporary distraction beneficial, but being mindful throughout the trip was also effective. If I was not mindful (informally), I would have missed out on the beautiful mountains of Jasper and the seal show at the West Edmonton Mall. Although, it is a great excuse to go back to Alberta! If you find that you’re getting exhausted more so than your ‘normal’, take a vacation. It does not have to be one of leaving the province or country, but something local too. Go to the local sights, be mindful in the time you spend at the site, and I am sure that it will allow for your mind to clear its’ thoughts as well as provide a refreshing and rejuvenating experience. I hope that by taking some time for yourself, you are able to come back to your ‘normal’ as well; remember that you may also utilize supervision to help process remaining distress.

By Bhavna Verma

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

How Do you Plan to Promote your New Private Practice?

Posted by: Shelley Skelton on August 10, 2015 4:12 pm

Many colleagues in private practice have suggested to me, “Don’t spend too much time on promotions like brochures and fancy business cards because you will get the majority of your clients through word of mouth.” I believe that this is good advice, however, word of mouth must start somewhere. Here are a few of my ideas about how to promote oneself as a counsellor/therapist opening a new private practice and to set in motion word of mouth.

I think it begins with connecting with the leaders in the community. These leaders may be in churches, cultural organizations, and social service agencies. For my purposes, I plan to build relationships with doctors in neighborhood clinics, school counsellors, and community association leaders who are part of my target regions. I think that it makes sense to concentrate time and effort connecting with groups and individuals who may become regular sources of referrals.

Continue reading →

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Circle of Care for Protecting Our Children

Posted by: Lisa Shouldice on August 10, 2015 3:07 pm

Throughout my work within the urban Aboriginal community, specifically at the Wabano Centre for Aboriginal Health in Ottawa, a Circle of Care model was developed to support Aboriginal health and the well-being of Aboriginal children. It was a model presented and then further co-created with the Children’s Aid Society, with the goal of keeping Aboriginal families together and using traditional talking circles and the strengths of each family to support the next generation of children.

The practical piece of this model involved working with the parent that has been brought to the attention of CAS, to both advocate for their needs and choose and/or build a strong support network, creating a circle of care around the family. So an Aboriginal mother who struggles with addiction, resulting from childhood experiences of child sexual abuse, may choose a parent, a few friends, an Elder, and/or her psychotherapist to be in a traditional talking circle and talk about her needs and how these people can all work together to support her and her children. A concrete plan is made so ensure needs are met and the children can stay within the family unit while mom goes to treatment etc., with a trusted grandparent for example.

Continue reading →

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Payment Options for Counsellors

Posted by: Shelley Skelton on August 2, 2015 3:30 pm

How do you plan to receive payment from your clients? Are you collecting payment yourself or will there be a receptionist doing that for you? Do you have third party payment? Will you be mobile or in one location? Will any of your counselling be online? All of these answers will help determine which option is best for you. I will share what I have learned about payment options and how I made my decisions. Two very useful online articles are listed at the bottom.

So, there seems to be four basic payment options: cash, cheque, credit, or debit. Each have benefits and disadvantages, depending on your answers from above. These are my thoughts based on my single person, mobile, face-to-face private practice.

Considering how much a counselling session can cost, cash does not seem like the best option because I am the holder of the payment and I wouldn’t want to have a lot of cash in the office. If the client is not paying the full amount, however, this could be a hassle-free way to be paid.
Cheques seem like a good option assuming they don’t bounce but the bank usually holds them for a few days before they can be accessed. Also, I don’t know how many people use cheques anymore. I wouldn’t make this the only option, but I see few disadvantages to accepting cheques.
Debit does not cost anything to accept, so in that way it is preferable to credit, although some online payment systems such as Paypal do not include debit. I like debit, although I could not find any debit options that did not also include credit.
Credit costs the counsellor money (somewhere around 2.75%), however, it is very convenient for everyone. Also, there are a number of ways to receive payment through credit: a point of sale system like the square, a mobile card processor, a credit card terminal if you are in one location, and online payment like Paypal. I like this option because the fee transfer happens right away.

My plan is to accept cheques and cash while encouraging credit or debit. For credit options, I narrowed my top two choices to the Square or Moneris because I wanted the transaction to be face to face (rather than e-transfers or Paypal). Even though Moneris has a monthly fee, I chose it over the Square for a few reasons. First, Moneris has been around longer and has a strong track record for customer service. Second, this service has a relationship with my bank (RBC) and a person in my city who has already talked to me on the phone – how often does that happen these days? , Third, I can accept debit or credit with Moneris. The Square only takes credit. If you are curious about online payment systems, you can visit the two articles I listed below; I found both very informative.

This decision about payment options is an important one to make and you would be wise to do so before opening your business bank account because there are a number of different types of accounts based on how your receive payment. I found it very helpful to speak with a business account manager at my bank in order to sort out all of these options. If anyone has opinions or insights about payment options, please leave a comment and share with our readers.

Lindzon , J. (2014, Nov. 14). Top five online payment systems for your small business. Globe and Mail. Retrieved from http://www.theglobeandmail.com/report-on-business/small-business/sb-money/cash-flow/top-five-online-payment-systems-for-your-small-business/article21553705/

Purch. (2015, June 11). Square Review: Best Mobile Credit Card Processing Solution. Business News Daily. Retrieved from http://www.businessnewsdaily.com/8064-best-mobile-credit-card-processor.html

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Can Diversity Make us Smarter and More Effective?

Posted by: Priya Senroy on July 24, 2015 2:06 pm

Decades of research by organizational scientists, psychologists, sociologists, economists and demographers show that socially diverse groups (that is, those with a diversity of race, ethnicity, gender and/or sexual orientation) are more innovative than homogeneous groups. So simply put….being around people who are different from us makes us more creative, more diligent and harder-working. In one of my recent reading assignments, I learned that diversity is not only about bringing different perspectives to the table. Simply adding social diversity to a group makes people believe that differences of perspective might exist among them and that belief makes people change their behavior.
This, I think is relevant to our practice as counsellors who in some way or another are engaging with clients to shape and change behaviors or address belief systems while working with different therapeutic modalities. When we talk about incorporating diversity in our profession, perhaps this is how it works – by encouraging the consideration of alternatives even before any interpersonal interaction takes place. This point again is important in informing our interactions with clients when we set up that initial appointment…yes perhaps we might make assumptions based on their names or accent but it might be worthwhile to keep those assumptions in the back burner. It is crucial not let them cloud our counselling approach.

So in a nutshell:

Racially diverse groups tend to share information better
Diversity enhances different points of view lead to broader thinking
Diversity pushes one to abandon the status quo

By: Priya Senroy

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Real-Time Adventures in Counselling Private Practice – Chapter Five

Posted by: Rhea Plosker on July 24, 2015 11:51 am

Finding a Therapist (or Being Found by a Client)

Invisible threads are the strongest ties.
– Friedrich Nietzsche

This blog is the fifth chapter in a series describing my mid-life career transition from engineering to a counsellor and psychotherapist working in private practice. (Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4)

A few months ago, a friend asked me for help finding a therapist in a city I am unfamiliar with. I figured this would be a straightforward process, given that I am “in the know”. I started by following the instructions found in an excellent article on our own practice web site (I couldn’t resist the shameless self-promotion).

Indeed, I was quickly able to create a solid short-list of obviously qualified therapists and started to contact them. My experiences from that point reminded me how important our interactions are with prospective new clients.

Here are a few tips I’d like to pass on to others: Continue reading →

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Dealing with Difficult People

Posted by: Trudi Wyatt on July 23, 2015 12:24 pm

Many people come to psychotherapy due to frustrations in dealing with “difficult people” in their day-to-day lives – family and extended family members, colleagues, fellow TTC passengers, etc. On this topic of dealing with difficult people, I recently listened to Louisa Jewell, President of the Canadian Positive Psychology Association, interview David J. Pollay, MAPP and author of “The Law of the Garbage Truck: How to Stop People from Dumping on You”(1). Some of the content of that interview is shared here.

Mr. Pollay explains that while we sometimes allow other people to “dump their emotional garbage” on us, allowing this – taking it personally, giving meaning to what they say, absorbing the words – can weigh us down and make us unhappy. He points out that even seemingly small/insignificant garbage – everyday “hassles” such as criticisms and complaints – can have a negative impact on our health, and lure us away from focusing on what is truly meaningful to us in our lives.

Mr. Pollay was inspired to write this book when he encountered a New York City Taxi driver who, having been cut off and then yelled at by the very driver who cut him off, just smiled and waved at this other driver, and moved on. In turn, Mr. Pollay now suggests that people remind themselves that, “I am not a garbage truck. I do not accept negative emotional garbage I can’t control and dump it on others.”

Of course choosing not to engage in others’ garbage offloads is not as easy as 1-2-3! But with practice, and in time, it can potentially save a lot of energy.

Other strategies provided by Mr. Pollay for this sort of challenge include: Asking the person dumping his garbage on you if he would like a chance to vent, as this question tends to slow the person down; reducing your interactions with this person; and/or, when you catch someone who often dumps her garbage on you acting kindly towards you, notice it, point it out, and mention how much you appreciate this behaviour over when she’s picking on you.

Trudi Wyatt, MA, RP, CCC is a Registered Psychotherapist and Canadian Certified Counsellor in Private Practice in downtown Toronto. She has been practising for six years and currently works with individual adults on a variety of life challenges such as depression, anger management, post-traumatic stress disorder, relationships, and career direction.

References:
1. 14 May 2015 Louisa Jewell interview with David J. Pollay: Dealing with Difficult People.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Adult Bullying: Breaking Away from the Bully’s Grasp

Posted by: Jonathan Delisle on July 23, 2015 8:09 am

Breaking out of an abusive relationship is harder than it sounds. In order to manage it, the victim needs to become empowered and either set the terms of the relationship or put an end to it. The following five steps are taken, once again, from Mrs. Hirigoyen’s book “Le harcèlement moral: la violence perverse au quotidien”.

Acknowledge: As we wake up from the daze of being pummeled by constant abuse, we open our eyes to see a very different world from the one we used to know or made ourselves believe existed. It’s like our world got hit by a massive earthquake or a hurricane. The difference from a natural phenomenon of mass destruction is that you have a culprit responsible for it. This wasn’t natural. It was an injustice.
Assess: As you begin to understand how you were manipulated and used, you will likely become upset and angry with the bully. It’s OK to feel indignant and sad. However, it’s crucial that you do not let that anger reverse your roles where you become a bully. This is often how bullies are made. You have a right to be angry, to be respected, and to speak up when you feel violated in any way. Those rights have been downplayed and denied to you while under the bully’s influence.
New Strategies: Set boundaries, with the intention of opening up communication, breaking the isolation, and protecting yourself from falling prey to the bully’s paralyzing traps that aim at forcing you into your former victim role. Like a narcissist, the bully feels like he’s entitled to overstep boundaries and take what he wants, without giving so much as a single thought to the fact that he’s violating your rights.
Stand Your Ground: Expect tantrums to test how far you will go before one of you gives up. This tantrum doesn’t have to be physical (throwing or breaking something). A good dose of passive aggression and guilt-trip is as good as any tantrum. “If you ever give in to a tantrum, you’re back to square one; it’s reinforced that if they stick to their guns, they’ll win and you’ll relent.” (Brown, 2014)
Free Yourself: The relationship dynamic has to end in order for the victim to become truly free. Validate where validation is due, but do not condone the abusive treatment in any way. Thus you provide some healing to that narcissistic injury through your validation and, through your boundaries, protect yourself.

As a now empowered person, you no longer play the victim and you show others to do the same through your own example.

References:
Delisle, Jonathan; https://lighthousecounselling.wordpress.com/2014/09/19/breaking-the-bullying-cycle/
Hirigoyen, M.-F.; Le harcèlement moral : la violence perverse au quotidien; Éditions La Découverte et Syros, Paris, 1998; ISBN :978-2-266-22277-8
Brown, H. (2014). How To Deal with the Narcissist in Your Life. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 27, 2014, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/bonding-time/2014/03/how-to-deal-with-the-narcissist-in-your-life/

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA