The New “Mood Rings”

Posted by: Dawn Schell on March 4, 2016 2:09 pm

Remember Mood rings in the 70s? Okay, maybe you don’t. It was a long time ago after all. The idea behind a mood ring was that the “gem” would change colour depending on your mood. The change in colour was actually dependent on temperature. For those of us with cold hands our mood ring always indicated we were “anxious or stressed”. Suffice it to say they were kinda fun for a while but didn’t really indicate how we were feeling.

While the mood ring fad faded decades ago the idea of being able to detect our emotions using biometric data hasn’t changed. There are numerous devices on the market today that say they can detect your emotional state through your breathing, heart rate, etc. and the aim of all of these devices is to help you be less stressed.

Here’s a few:

Spire[1] is a beautifully designed tracking device that is meant to be unobtrusive. The purpose? As their website says, “by monitoring your breathing, Spire figures out when you’re calm, focused, or tense, and provides you with guidance and exercises when it matters most”. Linked with your mobile devices when Spire senses tension it sends reminders to breathe and calm oneself.

Being[2] is a watch-like device that “maps your moods, activities and sleep”. The creators say Being “provides health and stress insights for more mindful living” and also teaches ways to “transform bad stress into good stress”.

What’s missing for me is the contextual information about physical symptoms. What’s going on when one’s breathing or heart rate is increasing or temperature is dropping? What am I thinking or doing? Who am I with? Where am I?

This next device, Feel[3] is not yet available. The designers call it “the first wristband that recognizes and tracks human emotions throughout the day”. Feel is linked to your mobile phone where it sends the biometric information. What’s different here is Feel tracks your activities, who you meet and environmental conditions. Feel also says they offer a “range of recommendations” to improve your emotional wellbeing – both short and long term.

Finally, let me introduce the new mood ring- Moodmetric[4]. Moodmetric is called “smart jewelry for emotional wellbeing”. It’s way more attractive than the old mood rings. The designers state, “the Moodmetric ring measures the autonomous nervous system signals that can be used to understand emotional reactions and improve quality of life.” Like the other devices there are options within the associate app for calming one’s mind and interacting with and learning from one’s patterns of emotional levels.

Do I really need wearable technology to tell me how I am feeling or to serve as a reminder to pause, breathe, relax? Well, no. However, I can see how useful these devices could be to help people pay more attention to physical signs of stress and to learn ways to reduce tension in the moment. I would hope that it would also help people learn to spot those signs of rising tension earlier and empower them to pay attention to their bodies, minds and emotions without the aid of a device.

As I consider all of these devices I must admit I am equal parts curious and skeptical. Which means I will be paying close attention to the research and reviews.

Dawn M. Schell, MA, CCC, CCDP is an affiliate counsellor with Worldwide Therapy Online http://www.therapyonline.ca

[1] https://www.spire.io/

[2] https://www.zensorium.com/being#introduction

[3] http://www.myfeel.co/

[4] http://www.moodmetric.com/

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Expressing Anger Constructively

Posted by: Denise Hall on March 2, 2016 4:31 pm

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Expressing anger in a constructive way is challenging and in many situations almost impossible. First we need to locate the source of our anger then determine whether we actually are angry with others or ourselves. Is it righteous anger or displaced anger and is this a battle that is wise to wage? Is it way beyond the particulars of the situation?
Another question is are we using anger as a defense? For example, anger can keep you from dealing with:

* the source of your fear.

* the critical voices in your head.

* personal values that create guilt.

Anger can:

* prevent you from examining the losses in your life.

* stop you from communicating your hurt.

* keep you immobilized and not able to problem solve.

* keep you angry & not moving forward.
Let us discuss the wisdom of choosing our battles. Some of the questions that would be helpful to ask are:

* How important is this relationship?

* What are my personal costs if I keep quiet?

* Is there a power imbalance (e.g. Employer – Employee) and what are the costs of speaking up? (e.g. will I lose my job, will it be difficult in the long term if I speak up?)

* Will I put myself at risk physically if I speak up?

* Can I express myself clearly and constructively?

* Will this person understand if I speak up?

* Is this battle worth fighting?

* Would letting go and not taking the situation personally be a better strategy in this situation?

The point in asking these questions is that it makes us pause and better define the situation and decide whether to go ahead with expressing our feelings. Choosing not to proceed in any of these situations does not mean we stuff our feelings. There are other constructive ways of expressing feelings of anger without confronting the person directly (e.g. writing an “unsent letter” to them). Sometimes, knowing that we will not win with someone who is unapproachable and/or has more power than us and instead taking care of ourselves in the situation is a better route than confronting the person and being much worse off.

This does not mean we should accept bullying or sexual harassment. There are other better ways to deal with such problems rather than confronting the person directly. Analyzing the situation is rather tricky. Our feelings sometimes prevent us from perceiving the situation accurately and that is when I believe it is time to bring in a trusted friend, colleague, family member, or counsellor.

When using our feelings to help us direct our lives, we definitely need to give them more than a glance. They are there to guide us to more authentic and healthy ways of being. Strong feelings indicate that we have to take notice and that there could be underlying and long-term issues fighting for uncovering and expression.

Not expressing feelings constructively has the potential to really get people in trouble in their relationships, at work, and with the law. However, not giving them expression is destructive as well because they can erupt at any time in the most inopportune places or wreck havoc on our health. Road rage is a good example of this. Unexpressed feelings seek out opportunities to vent. It can happen on the road or with service personnel who have done some small thing to irritate you.

When you decide it is time to express your feelings, an anger script can be helpful. Write something like what follows before you talk to the person:

In making an assertive statement use the following:

“When you___________ I feel_______________ and the consequences are that I___________________.”

It is important that you are specific about the situation and your feelings and the consequences are realistic. An example:

“When I ask you to empty the dishwasher and you ignore my request, I feel angry and disrespected and as a consequence, I don’t want to make dinner for you or help you with anything”.

Another area where we can feel angry is when others cross our boundaries and/or we agree to things we don’t really want to do. We can then feel resentment, a real sign we need to set limits.

It is surprising how many people have a difficulty with saying a simple “no”. We really don’t have to justify a no answer. Making excuses is not being honest or authentic. Often, just a simple “No I am unable to pick you up this evening” is justifiable. Other times, we may have to give the person more information. The following guidelines are adapted from McKay, Rogers, and McKay (1989):

* Acknowledge the other person’s needs

* Advise them of your position, preference, feelings etc.

* Say “no”

“I know you were counting on me to have dinner with you this evening but I would prefer not to go and stay in instead. So I am unable to come to dinner”.

When setting limits, it is important to spend time thinking about the situation and the best way to go about it. Over apologizing and putting yourself down is not helpful; positive “Self-talk” is important!

Beware of guilt feelings getting you to agree to something you don’t want to (see my Blog on Guilt). Also, make sure your body language is assertive not passive or aggressive.

You can also negotiate with the person.

“I am unable to drive you home however I can drive you to the nearest bus station and provide you with bus fare if needed.”

The “broken record” is a good strategy when people are persistent. Repeat your assertive statement.

“No, I would not like another drink.”

Being specific is key. If you are vague and the person is trying to persuade you, it will give them an opening.

I have used two books as references and the title of one says it all: Don’t be Nice, Be Real. Most reasonable people appreciate your realness and willingness to be clear and assertive. Avoiding and making excuses tends to be disrespectful and leaves most people with an uncomfortable feeling. Being assertive takes some work. However, expressing your feelings, wants and needs is being honest, authentic and respectful to others even if they disagree with you. They likely will respect you for it.

References:

Bryson, K. (2004). Don’t Be Nice Be Real: Balancing passion for self with compassion for others, Santa Rosa CA: Elite books

McKay, M., Rogers, P. & McKay J., (1989). When Anger Hurts: Quieting the storm within, Oakland, CA: new Harbinger Publications, Inc

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Schrodinger’s Cat in Couples Therapy

Posted by: Barry D'Souza on March 2, 2016 4:29 pm

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Today I was working with a young couple who like most at a point in the early family and career-making stages of life, struggle to come to terms with the stress, pain and loss associated with transitions. It was the second session and the young, European couple, of mixed national backgrounds, began to reveal how their thinking was past and future orientated in so many ways.

My hunch about the couples therapy at that moment emerged – they were going to the past of who they were when they originally met to soothe themselves about the frustrations about where they were now (feeling stuck as individuals) and as result as a couple, feeling increasingly unhappy together. My hunch emerged further – their persons and personalities, to each other, had undergone extensive “flattening”, as the blame thrown to the other for what was going wrong for them and in their couple mounted.

I found myself in the session trying to reach out to feel the frustration of who they were as individuals and at the time, I felt this to be the ‘work’ of the moment. (note: it may be something of model reminder for work with individuals with a contemporary, western cultural background and experience, that the order to consider is individual frustration first, couple frustration second). As I started thinking of my couple as individuals needing to hear, feel and see each other again, it came to me – Shrodinger’s cat, the thought experiment in theoretical physics!

No expert on the matter, the idea that we never know the state (i.e. dead or alive) of cat in the box until we open it, and that we effectively have to imagine and consider the cat inside, as being anywhere in a continuum of alive to dead in the box, to really live the quantum reality, became an interesting metaphor. I didn’t explain it to them in the 54^th minute of what was to be 1.5hr session, but, I suddenly knew what I felt could be useful – a little reminder that the other is wife/husband, woman/man, each a career professional, each a social being, each with a worldview, each with individual needs and a personal path (that is spiritual even if you let it be). At the time we didn’t’ exactly do what I am proposing as a potentially fresh new couple’s therapy intervention. That is, each in the couple take turns viewing the other as the cat in Shrodinger’s box, observing the other in a continuum of themselves and all that they are or might want to be. The forgetting of this is problematic to the individual, man or woman, same sex etc. and the intervention designed to promote the summoning of the individual in more full view, may be restorative to a couple’s communication, fruitful to a compassionate understanding and accepting of the other’s needs, while it promotes a critical self-evaluation of how the man/woman has ‘othered’, ‘gendered’, ‘boxed-in’ the other as part of their couple narrative.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Would you go Mobile?

Posted by: Priya Senroy on February 29, 2016 4:29 pm

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I cannot imagine not having a physical location for my counselling practice. That was, to me, an essential building block to set up my practice. Whether it was private or in an organization, I have been fortunate enough to always have a space to operate from. But I sometimes find it to be restricting either geographically or in terms of the hours of operation. E-counselling has more flexibility when it comes to space as the barriers to accessing services are reduced.

I read about a counsellor who has a mobile office-an RV that goes into the community and acts a safe space that has all the necessary amenities and prerequisites to make it and actual ‘office’.

If there are any counsellors out there who are mobile, it would be interesting to get their view point on this and their pros and cons of operating from and office vs. doing e-counselling and vice-versa. We often talk of meeting the clients where they are at, so why not making ourselves mobile, accessible and transportable? We tell ourselves to be creative and think out of the box, so why not work out of a restrictive boxy immobile space?

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Working With Clients Affected by Divorce

Posted by: Amal Souraya on February 26, 2016 12:13 pm

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A common population that many counsellors will inevitably work with is individuals coming from a divorced family household. It is projected that about 40% of newly wed couples will end in divorce by their 30^th anniversary (Employment and Social Development Canada, 2016). Counsellors may work with the children, the mother or father, the couple, or the entire household of these divorced families. Each of these client scenarios brings about their own individual challenges.

For instance, when counsellors are working with only one of the partners, then it is imperative to remain neutral and continue therapy in this manner. Therefore, regardless of the client-therapist relationship and the number of sessions held, counsellors need to be mindful of their own actions and the potential for countertransference in the therapeutic process; counsellors are not to take sides when working with divorced couples. Other times counsellors may be working with the children alone and access to one or both of the parents may be difficult, which can undermine treatment. I believe it is necessary to include any active guardians in the therapeutic treatment of these minors. Sometimes this may also call for the therapist to make out-of-the-office telephone calls to the other parent/guardian and fill him/her on the progress of therapy or what he/she can do to assist their child more readily.

Counsellors will encounter working with clients from divorced backgrounds. Sometimes these clients may pose some interesting challenges for the counsellor including remaining impartial, setting boundaries, being aware of oneself, and attempting to work with the entire family unit, especially when dealing with minors.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Hot careers in welding & fintech

Posted by: Mark Franklin on February 25, 2016 9:15 am

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How does a so-so summer job lead to a 10-year cool career in fintech*? Learn how from Jameel Somji’s Career Buzz interview (Feb.3,2016). Jameel’s story illustrates the lucrative and in-demand world of *Financial Technology.

“I adore metal – and I want to go bigger with it!” said Meredith Kucey on Career Buzz. Hear how Meredith’s jewellery-making career expanded when she studied the art and science of welding. Meredith shares insights about the lucrative and in-demand world of welding careers.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

One Step at a Time

Posted by: Dawn Schell on February 16, 2016 1:36 pm

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From smartwatches to fitness tracking devices wearable technology has come a long way. You can buy glucose detecting contact lens, clothes that correct your posture, running shorts that give you real time audio feedback, leggings that measure your shape and make clothes shopping easier, heated trousers that warm up your muscles, and all manner of clothing and devices that track biometric information. You can learn how many calories you’ve burned, how well (or not) you slept last night, where, how far and how fast you ran/walked/cycled/swam. The list goes on and new items are being created even as we speak.

I have a lot of questions about wearable technologies, especially the ones designed to improve our fitness and health. Do they actually work? Are people becoming fitter? Are they motivating?

An article in Scientific American[1] states, “These devices are succeeding not because of their scientific qualities but because of their motivational ones…What the fitness bands do is to keep these issues front-of-mind. There it is, every time you turn on your phone: the latest stats on your progress. Most also show the results of friends who wear the same brand; it’s fitness through humiliation”.

Well, the last part of that certainly rings true when I think of my friends who own these devices. The competition can be fierce when it comes to step counting!

There is some contradictory research about these devices. Some researchers claim that pedometers are as motivating as fancy fitness trackers while others claim the opposite. Some claim that people stop using the devices in a relatively short period of time while other researchers find that users like and keep using them. Are there long term effects? Do the behaviours these devices are designed to encourage stick long after we stop wearing the device? There are also questions about the privacy and security of the data that is collected.

It’s worth it to keep asking ourselves these questions and to think about ways in which we, as counsellors, may be able to use these technologies in our work with clients.

Dawn M. Schell, MA, CCC, CCDP is an affiliate of Worldwide Therapy Online Inc. http://www.therapyonline.ca

[1] http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fitness-trackers-are-everywhere-but-do-they-work/

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Finding Compassion Within

Posted by: Denise Hall on February 2, 2016 5:11 pm

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By Denise E. Hall Psy.D CCC MCVP

Every part of us that we do not love will regress and become more primitive – Carl Jung

I have been thinking for a long time about writing about Self-Compassion. In my work as a psychotherapist and with my friends and family, I am constantly struck by the lack of self-compassion people convey in their words about their work and life. They are constantly saying things like “I am so stupid”, “I should have known better”, “how could I have missed that”, “who would notice or like a _____”. “I am just a ________” etc. etc.

No wonder we have high levels of depression and anxiety in our culture. Western society is high on guilt and judging individuals. It also encourages people to have unrealistically high standards for themselves and sometimes their standard is pure perfectionism. Their failings are seen as a panacea for everything that is wrong. Not only are individuals judged and blamed, parents, in particular, are one of most heavily blamed group in society. Some people believe that Individual blame conveniently shifts the responsibility from organizational, corporate and /or institutional/governmental culpability.

What is self-compassion? I think we confuse it with selfishness if we tend to spend time on caring for our self. Self care and self-compassion, I suggest is an afterthought, something we do when we have time and when all our responsibilities are taken care of. What happens usually is there is nothing left to give to self. We turn to other things like alcohol or drugs, food or other dependencies that hook us quickly but do not provide the profound and positive effect of simple self-compassion.

Self-compassion is the act that states “I am human; I am fallible and it is OK to make mistakes to change my mind, to pursue my passion.” It is not judging our actions as good or bad, just viewing them as part of learning and growing, part of being human. How can we be compassionate of others if we do not practice it with ourselves? The Green Cross Standards of Care state that we cannot perform our work as a caregiver unless we take care of ourselves. There is also the metaphor of the airplane oxygen mask, putting it on first before we put it on others.

The driver of this judgemental approach is our critical voice or voices that are internalized from the Media, and the dominant stories in our culture about who is valued and who is not; from our parents and school experiences. Awareness is the key to self-compassion and the more we understand these influences, the more we have control over our actions. When we judge ourselves harshly it demeans us and often drives our self-esteem into the black hole of constant recrimination, fear and helplessness.

There is a Buddhist sutra that is called Metta or lovingkindness that blesses ourselves and others. It is a meditation similar to the following:

May I be safe
May I be healthy
May I have ease of body and mind
May I be at peace

The practice goes on to bless others, dearest ones, benefactors, neutral ones and those we are in conflict with. Compassion starts with the self and it encompasses our work, our friends and family, relationships with others and those that are sick, troubled or difficult to deal with. The whole world looks and feel different when we practice self compassion. The native Hawaiians have a practice called Ho’oponopono which is a forgiveness ritual that starts with loving, accepting, and forgiving the self and then others. They call it the miracle healing practice.

Self- compassion is a simple concept however it is not easy to practice. It takes accepting ourselves and all our parts warts and all!!!

Your comments are welcome! Please contact me at 604-562-9130.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Making Team Work Easier – Virtual Meetings

Posted by: Dawn Schell on January 29, 2016 2:08 pm

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Please tell me I’m not the only one who remembers what a big deal it was in the 90s to host a virtual meeting. I can remember a provincial meeting that was scheduled months in advance, a room full of thick wires and cables and much crossing of fingers hoping the technology would work and we would be able to see and hear each other. I also remember feeling very excited about how this technology could change our ability to work with each other over distances. The expense though was prohibitive. Though we could meet and collaborate virtually we didn’t often get to do so.

Fast forward to a couple of years ago. There was one virtual meeting platform I piloted for use with groups that regularly crashed. There were other problems too. We would be able to see some of the participants but not others. We could hear some people and not others. The longer we were online the more the difficulties piled up. Fussing with the technological issues took way too much of our time together. We rapidly gave up on that system and decided the timing wasn’t right yet for online group meetings. The concept was there but the technology did not yet meet our needs.

More recently, I have been experimenting with two different systems for virtual meetings.

Wiggio.com is a free online toolkit designed to “make it easy to work in groups”. The Desire2Learn company created this website based on their own frustrations with working in groups.

In Wiggio you can host virtual meetings conference calls, upload files, create polls and to-do lists as well as send email, text and voice messages to your group. It’s straight-forward and doesn’t require you to be super tech-savvy. The company reports that over 150,000 groups are using their website. Businesses, sports teams, event planners, and non-profits are examples of groups that have made great use of this site.

Now, that doesn’t mean it’s a perfect system yet. There are still some technical issues that arise. However Wiggio has a lot going for it in terms of virtual meeting space.

VSee.com is another virtual group meeting option I have been exploring. VSee, the world’s largest telemedicine platform, ” was created by a team of Stanford University human computer interaction scientists and network experts in order to overcome the limitations of traditional videoconference tools”. They wanted to create a platform that would “work over any network, and require minimal training”. The applications that it is being used for in terms of telemedicine are amazing.

In terms of my own use I stick to the basic free option for secure video chat. Though it’s not relevant in the context I am using VSee for at the moment it is worth noting that VSee is HIPAA compliant. [1] You can check out more about their data privacy here – https://vsee.com/hipaa

Once again when we have been meeting in VSee there have been technical issues at times and so one group has chosen to use the back up of a teleconference at the same time as being able to see each other via this website.

Of course these days there are multiple options for hosting meetings. They certainly are easier to use than they used to be and less expensive too! What I appreciate most about these is the opportunity to connect and collaborate with colleagues from across Canada.

Dawn M. Schell, MA, CCC, CCDP is an affiliate of Worldwide Therapy Online Inc. http://www.therapyonline.ca

[1] HIPAA is the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, a US law that provides privacy standards for health information and records.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA

Pushing Through Anxiety

Posted by: Jennifer Morrison on January 26, 2016 2:47 pm

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We know there seems to be a higher rate of anxiety and panic disorders then there was just a decade ago. Whether that is true, or whether it is just being diagnosed more is uncertain to me. Either way, anxiety seems to the driving force for student absenteeism. I currently have a few students who leave class and wander the hallways looking for places to hide, hoping the teacher forgets they are gone so they do not have to go back to class. Often times those students end up at my door. Sometime they are crying, shaking, trying to get out of the school, making excuses to leave, etc. I have built a habit of being very kind at first when a new student comes in who seems to be anxious. I let them talk, pace, draw or whatever they need to do to calm down for the time being. I have light hearted questions about family, friends, activities, favorite anything, whatever will keep them in my office and not wandering the halls again. I am usually pretty successful in this area and students start to come back to see me willingly.

For me, when students come to me because they want to, the real work begins. I must now do the careful dance of keeping up with the students’ feels, fears, ideas and thoughts without stepping on their toes. I want them to believe that I truly get it because I do. I live around anxiety everyday, at home with my husband and son and at work with staff and students. Working with my own loved ones’ anxiety disorder has helped me to see how it affects people and as a result I think it has made me a “you have to be cruel to be kind” kind of person. I go through a process where students are given tools to make it through and they need to learn them because I will not always be there for them, and sometimes I send them back to class after reminding them of all the resources they have at their disposable (just not me). I request that parents take their kids to school even on the hardest days. I ask teachers to not let my students out of class unless necessary and I send students back to class as soon as possible, whenever possible. I get strange looks from parents and staff but I tell them, “If you want this to get better sometimes they need to do the things that cause anxiety”. A person who is afraid of spiders will not be able to avoid them for the rest of their lives and those with school anxiety cannot avoid school either. They need to be in that moment and experience the uncomfortable, heart pounding moments when anxiety sets in. Feeling and surviving those emotions is part of the battle. Soon those feelings start to diminish and the more you face it and think and talk about it, the easier it gets. It may not ever go away in its entirety but you can learn how to deal with it day by day, minute by minute, hour by hour.

*The views expressed by our authors are personal opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views of the CCPA